I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
