I cannot find my penis.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
