guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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