She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
