Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
