Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
