She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
