there's paper in my vomit.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
