After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
