Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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