Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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