Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
