She announced her abortion via fbk
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
