did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
