i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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