i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
