yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
