Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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