Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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