member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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