I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
