Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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