He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
