you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
