i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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