i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
