i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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