There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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