I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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