so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
