What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
