i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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