Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
