She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
