Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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