Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
