even my farts smell like vagina
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
