Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
