you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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