I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
