Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
