So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We need to get me chipped asap
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
