He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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