i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
