I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
