So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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