You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
