Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
