but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
