you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
