i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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